I give up.
.....
-sigh-
No, not really.
Despite myself, I still feel as strongly for her as I ever did. I still wish things didn't have to be this way, and hope we may "get together" someday. I can't help myself.
But I'm done for now. I just can't take it anymore.
Why call me and, when I say I'm busy and will call back later, not be bothered to check if your ring tone is on? Or even check the damned phone to see if I'd called, for that matter. It's not as if you didn't know I would call back; I always call back. Even if I have to keep trying till three plus before I give up.
Why tell me we'll go drinking, and after I'm all set of a good night at the pub, it turns out I'm the only one drinking? Screw that. Why tell me we'll go drinking if you're not planning to?
Why go to your old church when you know I'm planning to attend service at the other one? "But I didn't make plans with anyone. I didn't promise you anything." Indeed. But if that's true, then why couldn't you come with me when I asked, when one of the main reasons I'm even attending church is you? What happened to "I'll go when you want to go"?
Big issues? Of course not. Taken individually, they're nothing, really. But add the hundreds of nothings over a period of months and they start becoming something. Even if that does defy mathematical logic, it's gotten to the stage where I've gotten sort of used to it. I don't know why it still affects me each time. It's like.."not again".
Put it simply, I guess it's just "bo chup"..can't be bothered. It's hard to hold it against her, because that's how she's always been. But after a while, "that's how she's always been" stops being an excuse I can tell myself.
I'm used to people who mean what they say. Now I'm finding that I can't even trust anything she says anymore, that I have to take everything she says with a pinch of salt. That I have to be constantly prepared that things will not be as I had assumed from what we had said. That I'll be disappointed. And that's a problem for me, even in a "friend". Especially in a friend.
So..I guess, yeah.
This is it, for now.
I'm done.
You said you wanted to just be friends. If that's the case, maybe start by actually remembering what you say.
-sigh-
No, not really.
Despite myself, I still feel as strongly for her as I ever did. I still wish things didn't have to be this way, and hope we may "get together" someday. I can't help myself.
But I'm done for now. I just can't take it anymore.
Why call me and, when I say I'm busy and will call back later, not be bothered to check if your ring tone is on? Or even check the damned phone to see if I'd called, for that matter. It's not as if you didn't know I would call back; I always call back. Even if I have to keep trying till three plus before I give up.
Why tell me we'll go drinking, and after I'm all set of a good night at the pub, it turns out I'm the only one drinking? Screw that. Why tell me we'll go drinking if you're not planning to?
Why go to your old church when you know I'm planning to attend service at the other one? "But I didn't make plans with anyone. I didn't promise you anything." Indeed. But if that's true, then why couldn't you come with me when I asked, when one of the main reasons I'm even attending church is you? What happened to "I'll go when you want to go"?
Big issues? Of course not. Taken individually, they're nothing, really. But add the hundreds of nothings over a period of months and they start becoming something. Even if that does defy mathematical logic, it's gotten to the stage where I've gotten sort of used to it. I don't know why it still affects me each time. It's like.."not again".
Put it simply, I guess it's just "bo chup"..can't be bothered. It's hard to hold it against her, because that's how she's always been. But after a while, "that's how she's always been" stops being an excuse I can tell myself.
I'm used to people who mean what they say. Now I'm finding that I can't even trust anything she says anymore, that I have to take everything she says with a pinch of salt. That I have to be constantly prepared that things will not be as I had assumed from what we had said. That I'll be disappointed. And that's a problem for me, even in a "friend". Especially in a friend.
So..I guess, yeah.
This is it, for now.
I'm done.
You said you wanted to just be friends. If that's the case, maybe start by actually remembering what you say.
He sketched at 7:42 pm
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