This is how it is.

-sigh-

It's gotten to the stage where she doesn't even bother to reply to my messages or return my calls.

Don't know why I'm bothered by it, but I am.

-sigh-

Went out to the pub tonight. Spent most of the night talking to T for a change. Then K closed shop and he and I adjourned to Devil's Bar for a few more drinks.

Got a real trashing from K and T tonight. Something about not letting women pull you down. About being true to yourself and knowing what you want. About concentrating on a stable career. Can't really remember much, though, as I was a little high by then.

The funny thing is, though, that through it all, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I still love her.

I guess that's what I really want.

So I guess that's it. Even if we can't be anything anymore, even if she doesn't even regard me as a friend enough to reply to my messages or return my calls, even if I've decided to give up for now, I guess I'm still here.

I'm still waiting. And I guess I will always be.

Perhaps someday she'll be ready.

Perhaps someday...

Till then, all I can do is wait.