high

probably shouldn't be posting when i'm this high, but right now i'm too gone to care...
still waiting for my dear friend to come and i'm getting bored...

y'know what pisses me off? well kinda...it's pissing me off now while i'm drunk...normally it just troubles me...hey, i'm not so far gone that i cant see i'm high, k?

what 's pissing me off is that she keeps saying its beter for me to give her up...dammit...cant she see how i goddamn feel about her? and i know she feels for me too...why the fuck isn't that enough?!

if she's really given him up as she claims, then what are we still waiting on? and she cant even tell me WHY she cant decide...am i really just that fucking lousy? am i simply not good enough for her?

from what i can tell, i think she doesn;t want to lose him as a friend...in fact i think she may have said something like that a looooooong time ago...cantrightly remember at the moment...but that's what happens, isnt it? you break up, you lose contact for a while, but if you're reallyfriends, you'll eventually become friends again...that's what happened to me an my ex...took us 2 yrs but now we're back to benig pretty close friends...

-sigh- i dont know what i'm supposed to do...it's jsut so hard...the uncertainty was hard enough when we were still seeing each other, but this not seeing her iskilling me...i dunno what i'm suppsed to do...do i just sit and wait out the 6 weeks and hope i dont go mad?

someone just kill me please...maybe i'll just have to do it myself...