She makes everything better

Sometimes, I feel really disappointed she doesn't consider me when she does things.
And I mean that even at a basic friendship level.
I might still be waiting at the shopping centre if I hadn't messaged her.

But then I see her, and suddenly it all seems so trivial.
Just like that, she makes everything better.


...i want to make it with you...

Okay, I was wrong

Not much drinking tonight.
In fact, I only had one scotch-and-coke.
Not thatmuch bad singing either, considering I only sang two songs.
Wasn't really in the mood.

It was a busy day at work today, which kinda helped take my mind off things.

This wakeboarding thing is still annoying me, and the thing that's bothering me most is I can't figure out why.
Weird.

Met up with lw today.
It was nice seeing her again after so long.
We chatted over lunch, but didn't go much into this issue.
Guess I didn't really feel like talking about it much.

I've been so busy at work the past few days that I totally forgot tomorrow is the 24th.
Dammit.
I got her something on the way to branch dinner earlier, but something's wrong with it, so I'll probs have to head back to the shop tomorrow to sort it out.
I'm trying to think of something better to get, though.
Considering whether I should take half day tomorrow and walk around looking for something for her.
Plus I'm meeting J for dinner tomorrow night, so I don't really have much time to get something after work.

Leave's really precious at the moment, though.
-sigh-

Should I?
Shouldn't I?
-sigh-

Will I run into her soon?
On one hand, I know that it's probably better if we do this break thing properly.
On the other hand, I can't help but hope she decides to swing around to the pub tomorrow night.

I really, really miss her.
She lights up my world.

Why does it have to rain...

...when I get up at 5.30 to run?
Guess it matches my mood, though.

I'm not sure why, but for some reason I'm upset that she's arranged to go wakeboarding with my close friend on Saturday.
But this I don't get:
She told me to go find out more about the Jazz thing,
but after I do, she's planning to go with someone else?

I predict a bad day at work today.
-sigh-

Oh well, meeting one of my best friends for lunch today, assuming she manages to find my office.
Meeting the other two for lunch tomorrow.
Should be good; haven't seen them in a few months.

Branch dinner tonight, followed by karaoke.
I predict heavy drinking and bad singing. From me, most likely.

-sigh-
Why do I feel so resentful?

At least tomorrow's finally Friday, so I can get drunk tomorrow night without having to worry about going to work the next day.
Yay me.

10 more days

Just got back from the pub.
Dropped a little gift off at her place earlier.
Hope she likes it.
Hope she figures out it's a calendar.
Miss her greatly.
Wonder if she's home already.

What I wouldn't give just to hear her voice right now.

Wondering

I hate how her blog is the only way I can find out what she's been up to, how she's been.
Keep wondering how she is, what she's doing, how her day was.
When I'm home, I keep refreshing her blog periodically just to check if she's posted for the day.
Yes, I am aware of how sad that sounds.

Guess it's good I went for coffee with K.
But I'm back to refreshing my firefox once again.

Wish she'd come on msn so I'd at least know that she's home safe.

Back at One

We took a slight detour last week.
Met up most of the days.
Back on the break since last night.
She still hasn't made her decision yet, so I guess it's for the best.

Sucks though.

It was really difficult today, not being able to see her, or talk to her, or even message her.
Had to fight from even sending a simple sms to tell her that I miss her.
To top it all off, the air-conditioning in the office is down and I have tons of extra work that suddenly cropped up from nowhere.
Passed my basic theory evaluation, though, so I can finally book the basic theory test.

Nothing really seems to matter as much, though.

I miss her.

Stupid, stupid big mouth

Why do I always have to make suggestions that suck for me?
Still, I suppose if it's what she needs, then it's worth it.

-sigh-

More of the same

Ran a camp programme for the company over the weekend.
She was there too.
It really was good to see her again.
She said she doesn't like running camps with me around because I distract her.
I guess that's a good sign?

She started work today.
She's sick though.
Hope she takes care of herself and takes her meds.

Eighteen days to go.

Still miss her greatly.

Missing

Ran to the pub today
She wasn't there
Guess it's for the best, really
First time I've been down there when neither she nor my close friend was around
Felt a little weird
Guess it's just another thing I've got to get used to

Stumble

Does this feeling ever reach a lowest point and then plateau off, or does it just keep sinking? And would I want it to plateau off even if it did?

Still getting harder, but I'm trying my best to remain positive. Today was difficult, though. Probably also due to the fact that my department had its Annual Dinner last night and no one really felt like working today. Whatever the reason was, I was pretty distracted at work today. Just couldn't stop thinking about her.

I've apparently graduated from the "thinking about her" school and moved on to the "wondering what she's doing now" level. She was working in camp the last few days, and I kept finding myself thinking "they're probably having lunch now..." or "campfire probably just started..." But this afternoon was difficult. After "camp probably just ended..." I was kind of stuck. I had no idea what she was up to, and for some reason that made me unthinkably sad.

-sigh-

Also, just found out that she's managed to get herself a job. Found out through her blog. Again, it makes me feel low(er) that I have to find out stuff like that through her blog.

-sigh-

Supposed to meet my close friend and his other friend at the pub later for drinks. Think I might head down earlier and start my drinking first.

Sorry

If you read her blog, and you ever get to read this, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

You should never have to go through that kind of abuse.

Never.

You're nothing like her, and that's part of the reason why you're so special to me.

Better

I've been feeling better these days. A lot better than last week, at any rate. Looking back, I really wonder how I ever spiralled that low that quickly.

I still miss her all the time, especially during the long afternoons when work gets especially boring. I'm trying to remain positive and taking that as a good sign.

Met up with my ex (and her friend) for dinner today. We didn't talk much about what I'm going through. In a way I guess I kind of avoided the topic, since she hasn't really been very encouraging about it. I know she's just trying to look out for me, but she can get a little protective sometimes. Guess it all stems back to our friendship before we got together.

Anyway, we went to Clementi and ate at a kopitiam. I saw a sign sketch pointed out to me once, which reads "Sucking Pig" (instead of suckling pig). It made me miss someof the times we had hanging out, but in a good way. Guess I really am improving.

Met my close friend later for a couple of drinks at the local pub. A little bird whispered that she might be wanting something, so we stopped by a gas station and picked it up. She was out with a few of the girls tonight, so we managed to sneak the gift to her place just before she got back.

All in all, it's been a pretty good couple of days. I just hope this mood holds up.

One month till April 1st.